Denver Bar Association
December 2006
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The Docket’s Holiday Wish List

Once a month, members of The Docket Editorial Board meet to review the next issue, brainstorm about the upcoming issues and generally to chit-chat with colleagues. The October Docket meeting was no different, except committee members were asked by our illustrious editors to think of story ideas for the December edition. Hmm, we pondered, "What types of gifts are attorneys likely to buy for family, friends, colleagues, etc.?" After deeper thought, a member wondered aloud, "What types of gifts would lawyers like on their holiday wish lists?"

While the types of gifts lawyers would buy generated a few lukewarm responses, the lawyer holiday wish list generated the following delicious items:

1. Disposable opposing counsel (unlimited)

2. A free pass through Colorado court metal detectors

3. A statute of limitations grace period gift certificate

4. A gift certificate allowing counsel to submit appellate briefs to the Colorado Supreme Court in whatever font counsel wants to put into the brief

5. A free pass to put briefcases on the table in U.S. District Court of Colorado

6. An unlimited supply of the following motions with automatic order granted:

a. Motion to withdraw as counsel because the client doesn’t pay

b. Motion to sanction opposing counsel

c. Motion for a fair and unbiased judge (without risk of sanctions from same)

d. Motion to fire lying clients

e. Motion to taser opposing counsel after the third objection

f. Motion to silence overzealous, babbling opposing counsel

g. Motion for continuance when opposing counsel makes an appearance in a 20-year-old suit (includes, but not limited to shoes, socks, pants, ties and jackets)

h. Motion to remand opposing counsel to law school

7. A universal remote for trial — feel free to pause, rewind or record

8. A special set of decoder glasses to read judges’ handwriting and see changes in documents

9. "The Cone of Silence" from the TV show "Get Smart"

10. A coupon for the "Secret Law" — use a make-believe law to help your case

11. Two trap doors in the courtroom — only the judge can access

Happy Holidays!

~ The Docket Committee

What’s on your holiday wish list? Let us know! E-mail with your ideas.

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