Denver Bar Association
November 1999
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Curmudgeon's Guide to Better Life

by Greg Rawlings

'Get your degree, get your job and do it - without Big Brother gripping you by hte wrist from the day you leave law school (if not before) until the day you keel over on the 18th fairway at Wellshire.'

After a few strange years of wandering the halls of justice in Metro Denver and beyond, the Curmudgeon has decided to weigh in with seven solid suggestions aimed at making the life of the law in modern Denver a little less annoying.

  1. Issue bar association passes or badges for courthouse entry. No officer of the court should have to wait in line while Bronco Billy the Wife Beater divests himself of his frisbee-sized Garth Brooks belt buckle, studded WWWF belt, KKK string tie clip and 47 assorted keys . . . and then still trips the metal detector. Aach! How about a little efficiency? Flash your Bar I.D. and enter. If it’s good enough for D.A.s, judges and other court sports, it’s good enough for the rest of us.

  2. No more preliminary hearings. Ever. For any reason. They’re a joke in this state, as it is. On the civil side, death to CRCP 16 and 26.

  3. Anyone caught driving and talking on a cell phone at the same time should get a 12-point ticket and lose their license for a year. Minimum. If another doctor’s wife in her white Suburban, driving down the middle of South University and gabbing to her personal trainer on her Nokia, while sipping a Frappacino, nearly kills me on my way to court, I’m going to go Day-Trader. Pull over or risk the wrath of the Curmudgeon!

  4. The nattering nabobs of negativity should leave my favorite Docket writer (me) alone. Give me a break, I have to work in Littleton, for God’s sake.

  5. Casual Fridays are not enough. Let’s do Freaky Fridays! Togas, clown noses, Frank Zappa CDs. The Curmudgeon dreams of the day he can do a motions hearing as Dan Issel, circa the Doug Moe years. He shoots . . . he scores!

  6. No more pro bono work. Ever. No grievance committee. Kaput. No bar exam. Thank you, God. And certainly no mandatory cle (what a scam). History. Law has become a relentlessly hideous, Kafkaesque bureaucracy. The red tape must go. Get your degree, get your job and do it—without Big Brother gripping you by the wrist from the day you leave law school (if not before) until the day you keel over on the 18th fairway at Wellshire. A land where lawyers enslave lawyers will become a land where lawyers enslave everyone else—we’re halfway there already, and the non-lawyers of the world are sick of us.

  7. The entire metro area should become one enormous municipality: a greater Denver! Build a cool courthouse on the South Platte, with much parking, a hundred district courts, two hundred county/muni. rooms, and an administrative annex by Michael Graves, with a combined CU/DU law complex next door. Law for the new millennium. And a great place to practice it.

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